NiNi* (xrockangelx) wrote,

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My Soul is Stirring.

Sometimes I don't feel real.

Other times life feels so big and immense and toweringly intense that I get knocked into perspective and notice that I'm here and I'm small and the time has passed and so much has gone that I've let go. Just watched it drift away or didn't even notice.

I've been burying me in me for a long time, and I don't know even if I've lived for a span enough to be called long. And there, once again, there's no telling. Perception. But that's not my objective here. In writing now.

There's just something I haven't let go of. But I have. But I haven't. It was all a show and trying to do the right thing. Trying to be kind or conscientious or diplomatic or good or... right? And I'm not so sure it was honest. And I don't know how or if I could've held on and made better of the situation. I was fighting myself and trying to be strong. Trying to hold onto some sense of pride and trying to heal. Putting faith in the future and in friendship. And, in the long run, I suppose I let fear get the best of me. Perhaps I should've known that was a nowhere way to go. Opportune moment, opportune moment it always was... And was what I'm waiting for all along and still. Perhaps it has passed. Perhaps it is infinite. Perhaps it goes on waiting for me. After all, the universe doesn't always make your moves for you. At least not to your mind's eye designing. Will there be a day? If I make it. in hand and in. time with the. universe.

Speaking of universes, is there a biverse? Do you think? Triverse? Quadroverse? *sigh* Minestroni time, perhaps. Sitars make me crazy. It might be nice.

My soul is alert tonight. It's... curious. And there's a sense. Of suspense. I wonder... Mmm... Jamaica? To see a new country might be nice. A new love with my forever love. Perhaps. Could be. Life...
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